Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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