Soap is not a condiment
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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