I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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