Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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