Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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