I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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