I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
