how can u be prego again
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
