he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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