We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
