I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
