If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
