1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
