I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
