the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
