She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
