God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
