So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
