my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
worst night to have a conscience
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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