I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
