That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
