I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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