through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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