He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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