Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
