3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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