He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You were trust falling into bushes
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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