Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
we're making bets on your personal life
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
