I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you will always have a special place in my vag
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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