It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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