my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The uberlube is also flammable
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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