you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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