Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
