The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
