Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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