I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
