so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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