I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
