I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
