i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
