I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
