i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He better not be in your backpack
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
