Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
