I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
