it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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