Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
