Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
