Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
