I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize