party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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