When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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