walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
