she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
my liver is dry heaving
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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