I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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