Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
