the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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