I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Sext me about skeletons
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
