There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
her facebook's as public as her vagina
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
