So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
please don't ironically join a cult
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