textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Randomize
