She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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