The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
