We're like a lot better than the average bears
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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