You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
you had me at cake vodka
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
