That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
