kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
