The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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