I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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