Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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