I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
