There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
