new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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