it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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