The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
