so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
ok first of all what the fuck
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
