I faked an abortion last night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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