is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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