We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
