i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
