I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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