The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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