they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
