'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize