If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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