thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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