I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
this hospital has no fireball
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
