I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I want to be your penis for a week.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
