he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
