after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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