Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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