The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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