I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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