I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
