Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
