Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
