i just google imaged poop.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
