do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
