Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
