I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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