You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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