I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
