Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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