I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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