i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
