As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
