I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
