carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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