***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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