the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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