We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
