I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
