he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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