Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
